Am I that Ugly?

When I was in primary school I would feel so harassed if we met up with a classmate on weekends especially when I am with my parents. I would not even say hi to them openly; worse still if the classmate is a girl and my dad is teasing me if that is my girl. He loved doing that J and I would dread such moments.

There was this one day when I was in class one and we had parents’ day in our school. Since there was no one at home my mum decided to bring the keys to the house to me so that during lunch time I don’t get stranded, but rather I would go home and find food and sort myself.

It’s break time and as usual I am hanging out with my usual suspects in the field playing, then I see my mum approaching us. She is smartly dressed in a blue chiffon dress that had some black dots. She was looking homely yet elegant. For reasons not known to me, instead of running towards her I started running away from her. You know the kind of run you would do if you sighted a ghost? Such kind. Now the kids are running after me shouting and my mum is behind us walking.

The genius in me told me to run to our class and sit at my desk. Furiously my mum came into the class and starting pinching me shouting… “am I that ugly that you don’t want your friends to see me… why are you running away from me like I bite? Am I that ugly?” You should have seen my classmates peeping through the window and laughing at me.

Years later as we were discussing with my mum of this incident I got to understand where she was coming from and the depth of my foolishness. No parent wants to imagine that they are not good enough for their children. They do their best to make sure those little boys and girls they are raising have the best and have their needs covered. And what do they expect in return, I guess it’s just honor.

You can’t payback for what your parents did for you. All you can do is honor them and appreciate them for their efforts. But many a times just like the foolish me back then, we humiliate them with our actions. If only I knew better then.

His Own

The other day I was in the village and someone was screaming during the day. That is the only alarm system available for the village folks. The best thing about these people is their willingness to indulge in such occasions. They all come to either help or just watch depending on the happening. The watching part is the favorite for most.

When I was growing up, I was not spared. Our homestead was a shoot location for a drama series. It’s not once or twice we had villagers coming to spectate as we washed our dirty linen outside our yard. I think I only survived the shame because most of it happened at night and also the following episodes would be shot at a neighbor before it gets back to ours. The funny part is how people behave the next day as if nothing happened. Unless your face still carries the evidence.

There is this one night my folks were fighting and my brother and I were really pissed. Occasionally, I would avoid taking sides because I had discovered I needed both my parents the same way. But this night, I needed to say something. I am actually not the one who started; I am more of a coward, my bro did.

He ferociously tried to tell off our dad, mumbling a few words as his 5 year old mind would allow. Then when he ran out of what to say, the moment fell awkwardly silent. I raised my voice, still hiding among the spectators and yelled at our dad; “hey, just allow me into the house I pick up my stuff I go. I don’t belong here”.

And in that awkwardness our dad answered back laughing, “If you want to leave, go ahead, but first come here and remove the cloths you are wearing, everything you have here is mine”. And the crowd laughed at me hilariously. I was 6 yrs old and I had never felt that helplessly cornered and owned. Clearly there was no way I could detach myself from the circus.

That statement has never left me, more so when I think about our father in heaven. He owns us and everything we have. Yet many a times we want to excuse ourselves from his affairs, especially when we feel inconvenienced and disadvantaged. And unlike our earthly dads, his ownership is bound with such a deep amazing love that we can’t comprehend. Even when things are ugly, when things are tough, when things are not making much sense, he is just but crafting something beautiful out of us.

The call of God on your life may be taxing you. Loving your neighbor may seem an impossible task. Being a peacemaker may not be a thought in your mind. And yet that is your call; to uphold the values of God and to walk in his principles. And I know how now or then we get the feeling that we should back off and give up on God, that we don’t belong.

Or maybe the show is on your yard. Neighbors spectating your struggles and enjoying the drama in your life. But it’s not for you to respond in bitterness, depression, shame or by running away. No. Just know that you belong to him. Everything you are and everything you have is his. And so you have nowhere to go. Stick through the process.

Heaven Day 1

On the waiting room, she sat and pondered, how could her husband have made it in heaven. They both had been involved in a fatal accident during the day and that was their last day on earth. And now each in a glass cubicle, they were waiting to be ushered into paradise. But her mind was bothered. She really wanted to know what had happened that gave her husband access to heaven. Having lived with him for 32 years, she doubted he would even get near anything glorious.



She was first to enter through the door that was on the far corner of the glass cubicle that lead into paradise. And Alas! She was in hell.



Not really understanding the occurences that sorrounded her, she demanded an explanation. And God being just assigned to her an angel. The angel was so heartbroken to see the agony in the woman's eyes, he broke down into tears.



''Woman, if only you loved. That was the greatest commandment. That you love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. I know while on earth you did your best, but we could not fail to notice that when you came over here and saw your husband on the other cubicle, there was no love in your heart. The transactions that went in your heart were the transactions of judgement, the transactions of giving up on people and transactions of deciding people's fate in your heart and these have denied you access to heaven. For in heaven only love abides.
_____



God is love and those who know God live in love.



Love your God with all your heart, your mind and your strength, and love your neighbor as you love yourself. This is the greatest commandment



People may not deserve it, but just love. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us and loved us. That is the love we are called to. That while our neighbor is unlovable and undeserving, that we shall love them and wish for them what we wish for ourselves.

Growth that Drifts

I have observed how easily a couple can drift. Actually it is not a drift per se, but the kind of growth that occurs in the due course of life that drifts the couple. It is very easy to become strangers with your spouse or just project cordinators, having the family as the project. So that the engagement between you and your spouse is that of arranging and managing activities. And as much as we have roles and activities in our marriages, we must be careful that we don't reduce the meaning of our union to that.


Many couples start life at the same level, spiritually, financially, socially and in most times economically. And at times, being on the same level makes it easy for the couple to engage together in all spheres of life. But as life progress, I have observed that some couples do not grow together. It is very important for the couple to grow together.


Husbands have a tendency of growing and leaving their wives behind. So bad such that it becomes hard to engage with your wife intellectually and socially. I have seen husbands who cannot bring their wives to the company party because they feel she will be a let down. Or a pastor who cannot have his wife share even a verse, because he is afraid the wife can't match up the expectations. I have also seen wives who settle down and refuse to grow. The start putting less focus on how they look, they feel it's a waste of time learning a new skill or developing a talent and thus they depreciate.


Couples are supposed to be friends for life. They should therefore learn to cultivate their friendship with their spouses, upgrading one another so that at anytime they can be able to walk together and engage with one another in all spheres of life. Let it be said of you that you are one, in mind, in love and in life.


Let us all grow together.

If I Die Young

Things happen and people die. People die and we are left saying they died before their time. I believe people die in their time and not on our time. And it is never our time because we take people for granted. And when their time is over, we are left agonizing and wishing we had just another minute with them.


This life is not mine but just a whisper from God. And so everyday I share my thoughts through my writings, I cherish my friends, I love my wife and I focus on honoring God because I only have today. I do my best and enjoy my life because today is my present. I live in gratitude for I know I am on time and if times runs out, I have an eternal hope in Christ.


And if I die young, I wonder what would be of my thoughts, what would it be of the idea of me. Maybe I would be worth so much more after I'm dead. And maybe people would hear the words I have been saying. People would start knowing me. People would start reading my work. People  would love me more than they did when I was alive. And people would create a page on facebook in my honor, and they would say all the nice things about me. And then life would go on.


But I want you to listen now, I want you to know me now, for if I die young, it will be on time.

When Mercy Offends

Simon was my high school classmate and a weed supplier in school. He was a day scholar and when we were in form 2 our CRE teacher discovered that Simon didn't know the Lord's prayer. So the teacher charged me with the task to teach him the prayer. So we became friends. Not a friend as in a friend but we would talk and we didn't have those walls people put between the savedees and the school crooks. I also liked Simon because he used to lend me his text books which he didn't have time to read. He scored a D- in KCSE.


I am walking in town, I have an important meeting and am running late. Guess who I meet? Simon. He is so delighted to meet me, it's been like 7 years since we left high school. He started narrating to me how he appreciates how I showed him the love of God fr being his friend and when I would preach to him. And he told me that my efforts were not in vain because he got saved like a month prior. I didn't believe him.


He proceeded to give a testimony and yenyewe he was so happy. Yet I still didn't believe. And since I was in a hurry to a meeting I had to excuse myself. I pretended to be happy, I hugged him and I wanted to leave. In my heart I didn't see how Simon could be saved. I knew him too well. I knew he was good with his mouth and he always had very interesting stories. I felt maybe he was trying to impress me so that he can borrow me some cash. He looked like he needed some. And so before he could ask I voluntarily gave him a 200 note. We exchanged numbers and I left.


Throughout the day I kept replaying the brief encounter with Simon. I knew he was just trying to milk me some cash and he must have been happy that I produced something. And that was my version of the story. The was no way Simon could have received Christ as his Savior.


I am in shags. It's Christmas and as usual everyone has come home. We are hanging out at the local trading center. I meet a few of my former classmates and we are happy as usual to see each other. Then I meet Richard. Richard was also my classmate, who was neighbors to Simon. And on asking him how Simon was, He told me that Simon actually got saved and he now serves as a missionary. He is so changed and doing so well with his life that Richard was getting inspired to get saved.


I was so ashamed. I realized if I was god for a day how some people would suffer. I realized I don't know mercy or love. I realized am such a hypocrite. The guy who stays at the gate. He is not getting in and not allowing others to come in. If Simon had expected me to lead him to the Lord, most likely he would have waited all his life...


And now I know that mercy offends. When you think you know God, He surprises you like that. When you are there feeling sorry that your village thief has just been caught, crucified and now headed to hell, he is actually on his way to paradise. On his cross he met the savior. Just when you think that girl is a gone case, God's love meets her and makes her new.


How i pray that I will have a heart like our Lord's, the love like that of our God and a compassionate spirit that sees a saint in every sinner. God help me :-).

What is God?

If God is love, and according to 1 Cor 13 we have a description of love, then it would be accurate to say that:

God is patient

God is kind

God does not envy

God is not proud

God is not rude

God is not self seeking

God is not easily angered

God does not keep records of wrongs

God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth

God always protects

God always trusts

God always hopes

God always preserves

God never fails.

And if we are being transformed to be like God, then we can replace the above traits with our names and see where we need to work on.

Be love.

Would You Marry Yourself?

The other day we had a heated debate on dating and aging. There was this friend of ours who have a friend almost fifty who is desperate to find a man. Apparently, every time she tells her prospects of her age, they flee without saying goodbye. What advice would you give this woman?

I have no words for her.

But I got thinking about the challenges our young people are facing as they try to get a life partner and I thought I should write about it. I am not an expert in this; I only dated one girl for twenty two months before she became my wife, who we have lived together for about 370 days. 

Here are my thoughts for those searching for a life partner. 

1.     Would you marry yourself? That is the starting point. You have to ask yourself if you can tolerate yourself. Do an honest assessment of things in you that you can’t stand. Work on those things as if you are going to marry yourself. Looking for a life partner is like getting a product on the market. Work on the content, the value preposition and the packaging. No one wants to take a bad product home.

2.    Cast your net wide. Focus determines what you miss. Don’t specialize too early. Scan through and keep an open mind. Expose yourself to as many social avenues as possible. I have heard of couples who met in a funeral, others in a bus stop while others met through a friend. There is no one way to meet you best half. You just need to keep an open mind and an open heart. But it is wrong to think every time you meet someone new, it could be them.

3.    Hunt and be hunted. Dating is sort of an art, you need skills. Men are the hunters while the lady is the prey. As a man you have to up your game to hunt. You should be courageous enough to face the lions in the jungle. You should know what you are looking for and go for it. Don’t be afraid of a challenge and don’t give up too easily. Be careful not to hunt that which will kill you. As a lady, be ready to be hunted. We know you are empowered and you can do better than some men, but be a lady. Yet don’t give in too easily. Prove your man’s worth. Let him fight for you. Let him pursue you. You too should know what you want, but don’t kill the hunter.

4.    Focus on making friends. Every strong marriage thrives on the foundation of friendship between the two lovers. I have met married people who don’t know what to do with their partners. The live together like strangers. When you meet new people, focus on being friends first before you rush into anything else. They say it’s good to marry your best friend.

5.    Involve God. No one knows what you need than God. Honestly, very few people know what they need; they just know what they want. What you need and what you want are two totally different things. Focus on character, internal uprightness and godliness. You also don’t know what a broke dude could be in ten years. Pray and partner with God to answer your prayers. And a wise man once said, God is so humorous, He is fond of packing precious jewels in the wrong packages. 

6.    Who do you walk with? One mistake most young people make is sharing the story immaturely and to the wrong people. Be accountable to a trusted leader or a true friend and walk together until everything is clear. Don’t be in the business of discussing people. If a guy is interested in you, as a lady, don’t go seeking opinions from your desperate single ladies, take one or two who you can trust and partner in prayer for God’s guidance. Prayer partnering is key and stop acting cupid.

7.    Be honest. You need wisdom on how you unfold yourself to one another. We all have dirty laundry in our closets, but you don’t go exposing the whole self on the first date. Let the dating process be developmental, where you focus on building trust, walking in honesty and strengthening your friendship bond. Kindly don’t agree to marry or get married to your partner if you know in your heart there is something you have not shared that would make them change their mind if they knew it. Be honest and trust God to fight for you if indeed that person is meant for you. But don’t deceive someone into marrying what you are not.

8.    Put your best foot forward. Be creative and make it fun to connect with the person you chose to. It’s advised you do things together like missions, voluntary work, mutual hobbies or serving in the community. Learn when to compromise and when to put your foot down to make it work. Remember to honor God with your bodies. If you hear someone asking how far is too far, ask them where they are going.

9.    Everything is beautiful in it’s time. People ask when is the right time to date or marry. There is no right time, there is just time for everything. We just need to discern our seasons and flow in them. I strongly believe that everything is beautiful in its time. Stop trying to catch up or compete with others. Live your own life.

Recommended reading Ayiro A & N Ayiro, 2009, reprint, The singles and the married.

In Love with the Idea

Falling in love is overrated. It’s equated to a new birth. And as much as falling in love is a noble thing, it’s a human process just like finding your job or even a house to live in. What makes falling in love such a big thing? I guess it’s because generally, human beings are selfish and are made to seek companionship among other physical need like to have sex and share emotions.

In my generation, human beings have become even more sophisticated. People are also more advanced in technology and in knowledge of things. There is this new phenomenon of being superficial and lacking of a capacity to endure, wait or even persist. This means the fast will survive. It¢s the people who can make decisions fast and evolve with change as fast as they can who end up getting much out of this life. And when it comes to falling in love the same thing happens.

I have met new people who after two hours of knowing each other will introduce me to other people as their great friend. Ha! Talk about speed. But in my heart am always thinking, boy, we are not great friends. This is our lives where our friends are friends because conveniently they fit in with us. What else would you be looking for?

Back to falling in love, I think most people are not falling in love with the person they say they are in love with. They are just in love with the idea of the person. The person they perceive the other person to be. Not the real person. To most people, what other people think about the person they are in love with plays a greater role than who the real person is.

And it’s not just about love, but most of the things. Most people are in love with the idea of being rich and famous. But are they in love with the life of being rich and famous. Are we just in love with the idea of a perfect community or with the responsibility of the same? Are you in love with your dreams or with reality of making your dreams true?

Yeah, in my generations, we are in love with the idea of falling in love. It’s much fun that way.

Do I love my neighbor?

Today, I find myself wrestling with various thoughts on life. I find myself comparing the way life is lived out around me, and how I long for it to be something more. So many people live life under the constant pressure to keep up with those around them. It could be something as small as putting food on the table, and paying the electric bill, or it can be something that makes it looks like you have it going on, by having the best clad, or having the newest phone.

One of the things I find intriguing when I meet new people is that people sometimes get self-conscience when you ask them, "what do you do?" The question is vague on purpose because I like to hear what the person will say. Must responses quickly go to occupations? Others will talk about what they do in school or various other community activities. There are some people who have no problem with the question and give the quick response of their job title, there are those who dance around the question. They feel it is important to give a preliminary comment that either implies a discontent with the job or that it is just a temporary thing. For some this insecurity comes from the fact that their current job is not what they got their degree in, while others feel their job is less important than other occupations. Plus there are others who struggle with feeling that they are overqualified or under appreciated at their current employment.

To sum up my random thoughts here, I think what is at the heart of these reflections can be found in James. In the book of James, the author encourages us to put action to our faith. In James 2:14-17, we are challenged to meet the needs of those around us. "if a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warned and be filled," and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is it? Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself."

In our busy lives, we must not forget to live out our faith. There is nothing wrong with having nice stuff, and buying things that you like. But if we forget about the needs of those around us, and aren't willing to sacrifice a little of what God has given us, how can we expect God or others to do same for us. As the body without the spirit is dead, and faith without deeds is dead, so also we become dead when all we look only to our own needs.

Love conquers all

Gossip is sweet, spiced gossip is sweeter. When you get to know someone’s secret or when you get to peep into their closet and have a glance at their dirty laundry, how does it feel? It’s sometimes sweet and tends to come with some powerful feelings especially if the victim is a friend who keeps you out of the loop. The best part is when it itches. When you want to share with someone else and you are fighting with your conscience whether to keep it to self or to tell someone else.

But what happens when you discover someone’s problem or weakness that they have been keeping away from everyone and deep down you know it’s killing them slowly? Most people tend to do nothing or worse still share it out with the rest of the brethren behind someone’s back and watch the show. Am not pointing fingers, it’s an observation I’ve made. And everyone else will know your problem behind your back. Especially when they say you are not living right.

I have been a victim. Where I was not living according to the set standards and I later came to discover most of my friends knew about it and no one came forward to ask me what was happening and walk with me in my mess. People watched me dance in my own mess and kept the normal holier than thou face that everything is alright spiced with some weird looks of ‘I know what you did last summer’. It’s sad.

I was entertaining the verse where Jesus was telling some guys that He was naked and they gave him no cloths. And that pierced my heart. Amazingly the guys were like, when master? When were you naked and we ignored you? The truth is, if you discover a brother is not living right, that is his nakedness. Why do you want to expose his nakedness? Be compassionate and give him some clothing. This means if you can, speak to him, enquire, empathize and bring him out of the mess. If that is difficult, pray for him secretly and if you must tell someone, the motive should be to bring the brother into the light.

Love covers a multitude of sins. Everyone has their own shortcomings but Jesus accepted as us all while we were sinners. But if the people of light won’t accept me the way I am where do I go? No wonder when someone is struggling with sin or some weakness, most people retreat to themselves. They stop showing up for church meetings. They fear asking for help because they will not get some and soon they get worse and worse. Remember everyone is looking for acceptance. Receive sinners in love. Be compassionate. God is love and He dwells in love. No wonder they say love conquers all.