Kenya28Feb – Kenya Stands United

Today the grand coalition government is celebrating three years since the signing of the peace accord. Kenyans everywhere are connecting to stand as one people, one nation, one country and one Kenya. On 28^th Feb 2011, at 1300hrs EAT, Kenyans are being urged to stand up and sing the national anthem wherever they will be, just as a sign of standing united for Kenya.

Sometimes I imagine if I were the president what would I do to make the difference? To be honest, I am not sure. Power has a way of intoxicating people and its wine tends to madden their minds. For some reason, the political system in this country has a way of swallowing even the best of souls and within no time, someone who was vocal and keen on true progress either becomes all of a sudden quiet, or they join in and start sing their song.

I get encouraged when I see the people themselves taking charge and deciding to do something. The problem is, are we any different? When we speak of change what do we mean? Do we mean a change in our lifestyles when we get power? Or do we mean a change of ideologies and philosophies? Or do we mean it’s time for us to eat? Or are we just tired and jealous of the old folk? What is it that is driving us to change?

Great leaders are servants. They are keen on serving the people, making life better by fighting for peoples’ rights, enhancing equality and empowering the people. Hardly do we see that nowadays. Even when we change people in leadership position we tend to have the same problem recurring. What do we do?

I think we need to deal with the system. Our current system tends to focus on positions. So as young people we think that we can only bring change to this country if we had political positions of leadership. And as much as those positions have influence on what happens in this country, we must start shifting our mentalities from positional leadership to influential leadership.

We are leaders in different capacities. First it starts with leading ourselves. How are we managing ourselves? Within our circles what kind of influence are we making? Within our families what difference are we making? In our business and organizations what do we stand for? For example when we talk about corruption, how incorruptible is your character? If we are not doing the right things where we are now, we are only lying to ourselves and others when we say we could bring change if we got into power.

Secondly, we should focus on bringing positive change with what we have right now. We can’t keep talking about leaders of tomorrow, or someday when we get there. No. We have to start doing something right now, with what we have. And if we keep moving in the right direction, nothing is impossible.

One of my life dreams is to do social and public campaigns that seek to empower the local mwananchi so that they can be able to influence their destiny and the destiny of this nation. I know we have a long way to go, but do not be deceived, you have no idea what can happen in a week or in a month. I guess if you have been following news you can agree with me.

And so, today as we sing our national anthem let it be a prayer and a commitment to making a difference in this nation. We have work to do, but it starts with where we are and who we are. Let us keep moving, let us move in the right direction.

Would You Marry Yourself?

The other day we had a heated debate on dating and aging. There was this friend of ours who have a friend almost fifty who is desperate to find a man. Apparently, every time she tells her prospects of her age, they flee without saying goodbye. What advice would you give this woman?

I have no words for her.

But I got thinking about the challenges our young people are facing as they try to get a life partner and I thought I should write about it. I am not an expert in this; I only dated one girl for twenty two months before she became my wife, who we have lived together for about 370 days. 

Here are my thoughts for those searching for a life partner. 

1.     Would you marry yourself? That is the starting point. You have to ask yourself if you can tolerate yourself. Do an honest assessment of things in you that you can’t stand. Work on those things as if you are going to marry yourself. Looking for a life partner is like getting a product on the market. Work on the content, the value preposition and the packaging. No one wants to take a bad product home.

2.    Cast your net wide. Focus determines what you miss. Don’t specialize too early. Scan through and keep an open mind. Expose yourself to as many social avenues as possible. I have heard of couples who met in a funeral, others in a bus stop while others met through a friend. There is no one way to meet you best half. You just need to keep an open mind and an open heart. But it is wrong to think every time you meet someone new, it could be them.

3.    Hunt and be hunted. Dating is sort of an art, you need skills. Men are the hunters while the lady is the prey. As a man you have to up your game to hunt. You should be courageous enough to face the lions in the jungle. You should know what you are looking for and go for it. Don’t be afraid of a challenge and don’t give up too easily. Be careful not to hunt that which will kill you. As a lady, be ready to be hunted. We know you are empowered and you can do better than some men, but be a lady. Yet don’t give in too easily. Prove your man’s worth. Let him fight for you. Let him pursue you. You too should know what you want, but don’t kill the hunter.

4.    Focus on making friends. Every strong marriage thrives on the foundation of friendship between the two lovers. I have met married people who don’t know what to do with their partners. The live together like strangers. When you meet new people, focus on being friends first before you rush into anything else. They say it’s good to marry your best friend.

5.    Involve God. No one knows what you need than God. Honestly, very few people know what they need; they just know what they want. What you need and what you want are two totally different things. Focus on character, internal uprightness and godliness. You also don’t know what a broke dude could be in ten years. Pray and partner with God to answer your prayers. And a wise man once said, God is so humorous, He is fond of packing precious jewels in the wrong packages. 

6.    Who do you walk with? One mistake most young people make is sharing the story immaturely and to the wrong people. Be accountable to a trusted leader or a true friend and walk together until everything is clear. Don’t be in the business of discussing people. If a guy is interested in you, as a lady, don’t go seeking opinions from your desperate single ladies, take one or two who you can trust and partner in prayer for God’s guidance. Prayer partnering is key and stop acting cupid.

7.    Be honest. You need wisdom on how you unfold yourself to one another. We all have dirty laundry in our closets, but you don’t go exposing the whole self on the first date. Let the dating process be developmental, where you focus on building trust, walking in honesty and strengthening your friendship bond. Kindly don’t agree to marry or get married to your partner if you know in your heart there is something you have not shared that would make them change their mind if they knew it. Be honest and trust God to fight for you if indeed that person is meant for you. But don’t deceive someone into marrying what you are not.

8.    Put your best foot forward. Be creative and make it fun to connect with the person you chose to. It’s advised you do things together like missions, voluntary work, mutual hobbies or serving in the community. Learn when to compromise and when to put your foot down to make it work. Remember to honor God with your bodies. If you hear someone asking how far is too far, ask them where they are going.

9.    Everything is beautiful in it’s time. People ask when is the right time to date or marry. There is no right time, there is just time for everything. We just need to discern our seasons and flow in them. I strongly believe that everything is beautiful in its time. Stop trying to catch up or compete with others. Live your own life.

Recommended reading Ayiro A & N Ayiro, 2009, reprint, The singles and the married.

The metaphors of this generation

We like it hot, tight, fly and freakingly casual

We live on the edge, on the chase, like crazy up there

We want it instant, jumbo, coated leisurely

We remember it if it was wicked, wild and left us damaged

We look at it if it’s flashy, artificial, made up and cosmetic

We smell it if it’s meaty, rusty, addictive and juicy

We touch it if it’s velvety, metallic, electric and intense

We wear it if it’s halved, inside out, added on or plastic,

We talk about it if it’s extreme, politically incorrect and pointing to others

We embrace it if it’s liberal, for now, accidental or the in thing

We loathe it if it’s procedural, committal, manual or involving

We connect real time, non physical and in groupies

We are open, pleasure hungry, standalones and independent

We know how to mask it together, copy paste, tag it and forward

We also pity the old, the backwards, the godly and the breastfeeding

And finally, with search engines, navigators, internet and satellite TV

We can never admit that we are confused, lonely, empty, shallow and lost.