Of Books And Life

I am not an educationist and I really don't know whether our education system really delivers. But I loved school. I loved school especially because it exposed me to all kind of people. And learning about people is one major life lesson. This is because people are the main component of life.

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My mother while commenting on books would say, "people are books; letters from God. You can learn a lot from people". And true to her words, people are a vast reservoir of resources and wealth. No wonder I love observing people. I love watching people. Tracking their lives. And, I do learn a lot. 

School exposed me to all kinds of people. Little flowers budding. No one really knew what life had in store for any of us. And every time I observe how life unfolds for different people, it gives me perspective. It really hits me hard when you receive the bad news that so and so is no more. Why does it always happen that those that I never imagined dead, die? Or you meet the guy who tied the knot on the number line every end term and he challenges you to the core. Life truly is unpredictable. And when the unknown becomes know in hindsight, it humbles me. Who would have known?

I have tried to reconnect with most of the people we shared something while growing up, some were my classmates, others were village mates, others were work mates while others were church mates. All kind of people. And it amazes me that I can actually pick out something valuable I learnt from them. One day I write out my lessons from different people and I am so sure many of them will not believe. I have learnt so much from people. Lessons they may never be aware they passed to me and that have stuck with me.

Last week I was thinking about this girl I schooled with in primary school. She was so academically challenged the school administration would push her to the next class just to have her clear school now that her age mates were way ahead of her. I caught up with her in class seven and she was pushed to class eight. This girl had never really passed any test in her entire life. It was such a surprise when for once she beat us all by passing the pregnancy test and graduated to the highest education, motherhood. I wonder how life eventually turned out for her. 

And as I keep reading books, interacting with people and learning from them, I have come to understand that true success is not in getting ahead of others. True success is in getting ahead of yourself.

Milk Gone Bad

I have just had a glass of sour milk. Actually truly speaking the milk got spoilt and could not make what it was intended to. Some of it was given to the pigs and we kept just a few litres for ourselves. Not everyone wants to take this milk. Some say, it is bad milk, others say it is smelly rotty. I think it is fine.

Did you know a ripe banana is a green banana going bad but we hijack the rotting process and eat them and say, hurray, that banana was yummy! That banana was fresh.

And did you know you can never eat anything fresh? Let me say that again, we eat dead things. Slaughtered animals or cut down plants. And is water dead or alive?

Others say you are what you eat. True maybe, but what are you when you are fasting. And is aging a process of keeping fresh or a process of rotting?

Things are not as they are. They are as we are.

Cheers to another glass of bad milk!

What a fresh drink!

Yummy!

Things That Change

It has been ages since I wrote here. Not just here, it has been long since I wrote an sms.  When was the last time you received a text from me? Sometimes one's crime levels upgrade and you are careful not to leave a trail of evidence behind. Or maybe I lost my mind and can no longer say something meaningful, or maybe there is no reason. It is just life happening where Instagram looks cooler than Facebook and Twitter more trendier than Linkedin. The same reason that makes milkshake more romantic than maziwa mala. Pop corns healthier than mahindi choma. It is when talking to strangers is more fulfilling than late night conversations with friends. When you scroll your phone and you have no one to ask for some loan. Thank God to *844# you can always get sorted. It is when fiction give better company, silence and solitude gives you better therapy.

There is no greater discovery than understanding what it means to be a human being. The larger percentage of the seven billion people on earth have no clue. There is just something way way way beautiful when a mortal soul touches the reality of what it means to have breath. Nothing else really matter much than being. Being human and being sure about it.

Maybe that is what I have been upto..... 

Important Notice

I have struggled in getting a title for this post. This is because it is difficult to summarize what I want to talk about.

Read the sentences below and take time to 
feel them. Feel each sentence independently without being influenced by the previous one.

1.  You are not important.
2. Are you really important?
3. You are important!
4.  You are really important.

I hope you have managed to feel each sentence independently. The truth is, the feeling you felt about the first sentence influenced the others. To most of us, the first sentence kinda really penetrated inside, making the rest unimportant!

Before coming up with this exercise, I was analyzing how most people feel about being important. One thing I realized is that most people’s importance is affirmed by other people, especially people we look up to. We all speak to ourselves, affirming who we are. But have you realized how sometimes our own voice is not as powerful as the voice of others?

We have all struggled with a notorious mosquito. The kind of mosquito that makes you wonder, are mosquitoes important? And as much as we might feel as if mosquitoes are not important, their importance is not determined by our opinion of the same.

Some people don’t feel as if they are important. Yet if you told them in the face that they are not important, affirming their inner voice, they would get really offended and become defensive, a feeling produced by the first sentence above.

Other people really feel important. And most of these people feel important because of something external. An accomplishment, a recognition, a status or something. And if a stranger who was not aware of who they are came and told them in the face that they are important, it would feel awkward. This is because their importance is tied to something known. And if they lost that thing, they would feel unimportant.

It therefore seems the issue of importance is really a personal issue. And when I was thinking about it on a personal level, I realized how unimportant I have felt because my inner voice was not as powerful as the external voices. It is as if someone telling me am important has a greater value than I, who knows myself better, telling it to myself. And to some extent I would find myself wanting to hear someone tell me I am important.

And imagine if I had titled this blog post with either of the four sentences. Had I titled it.. You are not important.. Those I know and who expect me to know they are important would have felt bad, those who are doubting their importance would have sought to look for an affirmation and those who I don’t know would have wanted to prove that I am wrong. Had I titled this blog post.. You are important, those I know, seeking an affirmation would have felt really good to read on, those who I don’t know and they feel important would have ignored while most people would think it is just a cliché.

Now, what if I had titled it… I am not important… So many of you would feel so sorry for me… and wonder why I feel this way. Others would actually agree.

The essence of this post is to encourage you to know that you are important. And your importance is not pegged to something external as much as is, your intrinsic value. We should learn to believe in who we are and be impervious of the external voices that may or may not agree with us. We should give more weight to the voice in our heart more than the voice of others. That our importance is first and foremost ours to feel, to know, to be.

Could it be being that being important is not something to feel? Could it be something to know, like head knowledge? Just a thought.

Are you important? You tell it to yourself!

Tales From The Garbage Collector

Image Credit: nola.com

"How come you got a baby and you didn't tell me?" My garbage collector asked me the other day. "How did you know?" I asked. "I am your garbage collector", he retorted. Ala! Had I missed the memo? I wondered to myself...

I tend to keep to myself. To mind my own business. To lead a quiet life. You can say am a bit snobbish but am not anti-social neither am I arrogant or rude. I will say hi to people, like the gate man, the shop keeper, the mama mboga, the taxi man, the butcher man and the garbage guy. I will also engage in small talk when they are serving me, but nothing elaborate, nothing personal.

So, I found it a little intruding when the garbage guy demanded to know why I had not informed him of the new development. He says he actually felt cheated to have to discover that for himself. To find the evidence in the garbage bag.

The garbage collectors knows so much about people, more than we want to imagine. Apparently, he is the person who ends up with the evidence of our lives. He knows the kind of lifestyle a family leads. He know their attitudes, their preferences, and he has the incriminating specimens as well as the treasured lessons from each family.

As we engaged in this conversation I sought to know the kind of family we are, based on our garbage bag. I was surprised at his 3 major findings:

1. We hardly waste food. He had noted that we hardly have left overs stuck in the garbage and he wondered why. I was a bit shocked by that revelation but again it reveals who we are... a finishing generation. We eat it all. And again, economy imekuwa tight. Apparently he had noticed that very many families still waste a lot of food.
2. He never gets paper bags and plastics which are his highly sought after treasures. Thinking about it, we collects plastic bags and plastic bottles keep them. Then when we get a visitor who would benefit from such, we give them. 
3. I am the one who removes garbage. I laughed at this one. I can't remember my wife and I agreeing that I am the one to be removing the garbage, but that is a role I have played all along. 

This conversation taught me so many things about people and mostly about ourselves. That as much as we may not be close to people as we think, there is so much we can learn and teach just through observation. And there is so much our garbage bag can tell about us, more than we would be willing to expose. I was tempted to ask about other people, but then I remembered that is wrong and curiosity killed the cat. Maybe I should volunteer for a month in our estate and I will have a story about my neighbors. 

My garbage having had collected our garbage for more than 3 years, had made such a connection with us. A connection that I had no idea. He considered us family, and unfortunately to us, he was just a garbage guy. What a revelation. 

What does the content in your garbage bag say about you?

Why You Should Not Pray For Food!

We have this religious act that just gets into my nerves... mumbling some words before we take food in the name of prayer and grace. I find it very fake. If prayer is a two way communication, have you ever paused a little to get authorization from God to eat or not eat the food you have prayed for? Or you just assume since you have asked him to bless the food he has done it? Oh, and what is that part of sanctifying it? I thought that was dealt with earlier? The worst is when we ask our children to pray for food as a way of impressing the guests on the table. Don't give me that look, you know we have done that and we felt so proud.

But let me brain wash you on why you should not be praying for your meal....

It is so naive for you to pray for food for our body and ignore the junk our souls are indulging in daily. How many times have you prayed for the stuff your mind feeds on? Have you even considered that the stuff you feed on your mind needs to be sanctified? Stuff we get from the media, the philosophies of men, stuff we are taught in school and stuff from the world around us? How many times did your mind capture a dirty song just because you had to use a matatu to church? How many times did you get influenced by someone opinions from a  newspaper column that is contrary to the will of God? How many times have you responded in fear when you watch a news items instead of standing in the faith based on what God is saying? How many times have you been influenced by a soap opera or a novel or a person's experience to accept something that God say's He detests?

Whether we like it or not, we are living in the information age where our souls are offered all kind of delicacies to indulge in. Sadly, you will find people who call themselves Christians who only feed on the word of God on a Sunday from the pulpit and yet they can never fail to pray before a meal.

Even this article is trying to feed you soul, and that is why everyday we need to be careful as we interact with stuff we allow to reach our soul. And just like Daniel in the bible was offered the King's delicacies and chose to do veges, we must be selective on what our soul feeds on. There is this lie that tell people they need to be open minded and flow with whatever you are feed on. But I warn you, an open mind can easily fall of your head. You need to guard your heart, your mind and your soul. Feed yourself with something edifying!

And so the next time you are praying for your meals, first remember to pray for the meals your soul is feeding on.

God Is Our Life-Building Facilitator

I am a team building facilitator. My job requires me to coordinate experiential learning processes for teams. My role as the facilitator is to provide a safe (physically and psychologically), supportive, non-judgmental atmosphere, in which participants try to accomplish tasks beyond their self-imposed limitations.

So when a team contacts me, we do a need assessment that guides me in formulating activities and a program for them. These needs are the things that are hindering the team from performing as a team and achieving more. The activities are supposed to produce learning points in line with the needs identified. 

So as I set those challenges for the team, I have in mind what the team needs are, I have in mind what this activity seeks to achieve and I have the confidence that the team process as they do the activities, will produce the required lessons for them. The only way to assimilate the lessons from an activity is through what we call a debrief. The team sits back and starts reflecting on their process, analyzing their feelings, analyzing their actions and their responses and articulating their learning points.

When I was thinking about my work, I started thinking about how God is our life building facilitator. He know the things that are hindering us from achieving our purpose and call. And so everyday he sets challenges for us, knowing that our processes will produce learning points that if assimilated will make us a better people, able to do life as He wishes. And as much as we might feel as if a challenge is impossible, (just like my teams do all the time), when I engage with him and allow him to facilitate me, He guides me through my processes until I manage. He also knows our self-imposed limitations and He wishes we could break those limiting barriers and be the people He created us to be.

Unfortunately, we don't see it that way. Some of us shun away from challenges, some of us are not focusing on becoming better and others are prisoned by their self imposed limitations they can hardly do a thing. They are slaves.

But God is our Life Building Facilitator. Let us learn how to allow him to guide us through life, to teach us thing through our process and to trust him that though he sets ahead of us challenging things, he know that we can surely do it. 

And yeah, you must make it a habit to always do a debrief with God. Take time everyday to reflect on your learning points and allow those lessons to become part of you.

Am I that Ugly?

When I was in primary school I would feel so harassed if we met up with a classmate on weekends especially when I am with my parents. I would not even say hi to them openly; worse still if the classmate is a girl and my dad is teasing me if that is my girl. He loved doing that J and I would dread such moments.

There was this one day when I was in class one and we had parents’ day in our school. Since there was no one at home my mum decided to bring the keys to the house to me so that during lunch time I don’t get stranded, but rather I would go home and find food and sort myself.

It’s break time and as usual I am hanging out with my usual suspects in the field playing, then I see my mum approaching us. She is smartly dressed in a blue chiffon dress that had some black dots. She was looking homely yet elegant. For reasons not known to me, instead of running towards her I started running away from her. You know the kind of run you would do if you sighted a ghost? Such kind. Now the kids are running after me shouting and my mum is behind us walking.

The genius in me told me to run to our class and sit at my desk. Furiously my mum came into the class and starting pinching me shouting… “am I that ugly that you don’t want your friends to see me… why are you running away from me like I bite? Am I that ugly?” You should have seen my classmates peeping through the window and laughing at me.

Years later as we were discussing with my mum of this incident I got to understand where she was coming from and the depth of my foolishness. No parent wants to imagine that they are not good enough for their children. They do their best to make sure those little boys and girls they are raising have the best and have their needs covered. And what do they expect in return, I guess it’s just honor.

You can’t payback for what your parents did for you. All you can do is honor them and appreciate them for their efforts. But many a times just like the foolish me back then, we humiliate them with our actions. If only I knew better then.

It’s for God to Judge

Why would God put a commandment and declared that you should not covet after your neighbors’ wife? You can never understand that until you get married! When I was thinking about that (triggered by someone’s comment how I have the best wife, which I do and I thank God), I realized most of the time we look outwardly and not inwardly to gauge how well we are doing.

When I was a kid, I remember cooking stories about my parents especially my dad so that we don’t look like we are down. And we would go further to bragging among other kids when we have cooked chapos and kuku or something like that. And kids would take turns proving how good they are beyond the rest.

I remember when I was in class three after the Easter holidays, I came bragging to my desk mate the way our dad took us to the Aberdares country lodge and the fun we had. Then he narrated to me how they went visiting their uncle in Gilgil and how they went through a roundabout. The funny part of this story is I felt so defeated because I hadn’t been to Gilgil and I didn’t know what a roundabout was and my simple mind imagined going through a roundabout must be a greater experience beyond the visit we had.

Last month I had a chance to pass through Gilgil on my way to Nakuru and didn’t I laugh at myself when I remembered that story, there is no roundabout in Gilgil!

Human beings have a tendency to compare with their peers, thus the word peer pressure. We have developed a competitive spirit and we actually evaluate how well someone is doing based on how other people are doing. That is why it is generally acceptable among some people to fake till they make it. But I have been thinking how erroneous and empty such a thing is.

That is nothing compared to what people say about those who die, especially if such people are not religious or have conspicuous character flaws. In low tones and in whispers, you will hear some declaring how they are rotting in hell and such, and then the funeral is just a PR exercise. But does it matter? I mean they are already dead.

I have been thinking about it and I must say it’s something I want to get out of. Our lives are not for comparison, because we have different gifts, different stories and different reasons why God placed us on earth. And as much as we would want everyone to adhere to our own code of values, we must be ready to accept that we could be wrong.

I like what Paul says when he say, I consider everything else rubbish to the knowing of Christ. And that is the place I would like to get to. And in that place, you only wish the best for other people, not thinking highly or lowly of yourself but just living your life to please God.

Why do people talk bad about Judas the Iscariot? Have you ever considered that part of his purpose on earth was to betray Jesus so that he can actually be crucified for you and me to access salvation? And if that was his purpose, why wouldn’t God accept him in his Kingdom for doing his purpose? Just a thought

I am so sure at the cross very few people knew that the thief on the right hand of Christ spent his evening in paradise. Maybe the person he stole from prided in the justice he got through crucifixion and she would narrate how in hell he was rotting…. How erroneous.

The thing is, it doesn’t matter what we think about you as human beings, what matters is what God thinks about you. And so we should focus on pleasing God and not men, and stop judging other people because we don’t know what God is up to with their lives. And most of all, that we may accept who we are and grateful for what God has blessed us with.

Most Likely Religion Will Take You To Hell

When Jesus came to earth, he threatened the political class and the religious zealots. Herod actually killed all the boys below the age of two years targeting to kills Jesus while he was a baby. And the religious zealots managed to have him killed as an adult.

Why would the political class get threatened by the birth of a little boy? It’s because the Kingdom of God is concerned with how the affair of nations are run, since the systems in a country and the world at large affect the people of God. And with this I don’t mean Christians, I mean the people. And Jesus is concerned whether people are getting abundant life and justice in everyday life.

The religious zealots were also threatened by Jesus because he brought a higher order that required a change of heart posture and a shift in the prevailing mentality. Though the religious people sought God, they had become so engrossed in doing things for the wrong reasons and had missed the essence of faith in their generation. They catch a woman committing adultery and they are so fast to stone him and they wanted Jesus to be part of that. By the way who was the guy and where was he?? This picture among others shared in the gospel demonstrates what religion is capable of.

Jesus did not come to establish any religion, but rather a lifestyle that points people to his father (God). His miracles were not to enrich himself but to make the lives of other people better. His judgments were not to humiliate and embarrass people, but to expose the mentalities that hindered the people from accessing the Kingdom of God. It’s Jesus who was telling the religious people that thieves, prostitutes and tax collectors are entering the Kingdom before them. This demonstrates that the kingdom of God is beyond a religious structure.

The other day I was just thinking about faith and the question was what is the best faith? I believe the best faith is the one that brings you closest to God, makes you a better person, a more sensible person, a more loving person, a more humanitarian person, a more responsible person, a more ethical person. A person who lives in harmony with nature and that has the best desires for others.

Why do I say the best desires for others? Let us consider what Jesus demonstrated at the cross. When he was carrying the suffering of the whole world and two thieves were there receiving justice, he forgot all that and received the thief who requested for a place in his kingdom. Even at that moment, of the climax for his coming to earth, he still desired the best for a person whose life had produced nothing much but shame and disappointment.   

And that is my point. Religion will most likely take you to hell. Have you read Mathew 25 where Jesus says go away you evil doers, I didn’t know yo? The people who actually get chased away in this context are the religious loot. Because they start narrating how they did great wonders in the name of Jesus, and yet he tells them off.

I believe religion is manmade; it is not from God. It produces a people who are self centered, fearful and detached from the realities of life, who would rather scare people about hell than demonstrate the love of heaven. Who sneer at prostitutes and call homosexuals names instead of spreading the good news of the gospel.

 And as we talk about the good news, you should ask yourself if your faith produce good news to those in the dark; and not just news about a future event but good news about their life on earth. And when you go back to Mathew 25, those who join at the banquet are those that had good news to strangers, to the homeless, to the naked and such.

My point is, faith is done, lived and felt. And as we seek to find God, we should know that he has a greater agenda than ourselves that connects to all humanity. And so we are called to partner with him to reach out to those oppressed by different systems in the world and to point them to God. And if God is love, then to say we know God is to say we know how to love. And if Love conquers all, then our work is to spread love.

Something is Terribly Wrong…. Ha ha ha ha

Have you ever found yourself on the wrong and the only thing you do is laugh at yourself? I have, severally. I actually laugh at myself more than any other person does. It is because I appreciate my stupidity once in a while when I get on a stupid mode.

I think something is terribly wrong somewhere. If indeed the word of God is true and if I say that I believe in that word, why then am I stressed up chasing and looking for these things? Didn’t he say they will be added unto us?

Don’t get me wrong, we have to chase after our dreams, and I encourage everyone of us to do so. We have to do these things but not at the expense of the kingdom. The first question we need to ask ourselves is why we are chasing after our dreams.

We have basic needs but life cannot just be about these needs. Life is much more than this. The kingdom of God is not just about going to heaven, it is about the people. That they may have abundant life on earth and that there may be hope and joy.

So, if life is more than our needs and the Kingdom of God is more than going to heaven, we must then understand Mathew 6:33. Seek first the Kingdom of God and it’s righteousness and these things will be added to you. The thing is, when we focus on meeting the needs of other people, which should be the reason for every business or career, and then in essence we are seeking the kingdom. But our careers and our businesses have become just means to serve us and we do not care about people. We have become oppressors of those we say we are serving and that is what is terribly wrong. Does what we do bring hope to the world?

You might say your career does not allow you to oppress people. But look at how you do the things you do. Do you serve faithfully, ethically and in a manner to please God? What would those who work with you say about God as demonstrated by you? And do you get so engrossed in the job that you have no time for God; even to say thank You?

Something is terribly wrong, and I can’t help but laugh. But until we realize seeking the Kingdom is the reason why we exist, we shall be stuck in the rat race, chasing after these things. And let me tell you, when you get hold of these things, I hope they don’t swallow you as they tend to do, and I also hope that they bring more life to you, more hope and more joy. That is the essence of life.

How do you Unwind?

Have you ever been so worked out by things and you feel you just need to see a therapist to off load? Those are the times I miss being a catholic, I would just go for confession and tell the father everything that is bothering me. But I have learnt there is nothing as therapeutic as just chatting with a friend, who listens genuinely and who creates a moment. Regardless of the activity the two of us share, in the end I just feel so refreshed and re-energized. We all need that. 

I was reading the book of Job the other day and I picked out the same. When disaster struck, Job’s friend came and sat with him seven days and seven nights without saying a word, just there with him because they could see his pain. This demonstrates the power of being there with someone and creating a moment. Later Job starts venting ( I like calling it bi**hing though am not allowed to use such words) by cursing the day he was born, asking questions about life and the troubles man faces as he tries to remain blameless. After every chapter or two of venting, we get another chapter of one of his friends trying to sober him up. And this continues for some time.

How do you vent? How do you unwind? How do you release the pressure and the tension you accumulate everyday from work and life? 

I have noted many people have not discovered the need to vent and the ways to do it. When we go back to Job, you will see the way he vents but he doesn’t charge God with any wrongdoings. We also see his friends trying to sober him up so that he doesn’t cross the borders. We also see Job recognizing the sovereignty of God especially when he tells the wife; why are you talking like a foolish woman, should we accept good from God and not trouble? I mean, Job understands God beyond his circumstances and though he vents out in anger and frustrations, he know his life is in God.

Often a time if we are lucky to have friends we can vent out with, we always fall short and cross the boundaries and we end up defiling ourselves. Some friends will go out for drinks and dancing as a way of venting and the find themselves worse off than they were. Some friends will hook up nicely just to turn into a gossip club. It is important to be vigilant.

Other people will not vent at all. They bottle things up inside them and they keep carrying heavy burdens. Life can be tough we all agree, and we don’t have the capacity to carry every load. It is wise we learnt to let go. Find something that allows you to release pressure and tension. It could be a walk in the evening, a sport, a hobby or just a silent moment away from every noise. It could be a chat with a refreshing buddy. It could be jotting down your feelings; It can also be a moment of worship and prayer, where you pour out your heart and your mind to God. Whatever it is, just make sure you have it.

And when life gets tough, always remember that Jesus is asking you to cast all your burdens to him for he cares for you. He carried all our burdens so that we can be free. And when we take up his burden, it easy and his yoke is smooth. 

But never ever bottle up things in your heart. Because according to Job, resentment kills a fool and envy slays the simple. And the wise man in proverb says; bitterness rots the bones. Let go off all bitterness, frustrations and pain, and let God be enough and sufficient for you.

Aint Just a Hanger

You watch me as I gracefully glide through the run way

You admire the way the piece of art perfectly fits in my body

You wish you could the same way bring it out.

And as I turn, and sway, and pose

You applause and sarcastically clap

You think am just a piece of hanger

Aint just a hanger

But a package of beauty

Oozing from within to the outside.

And as I run through the run way

Let it run in your mind

Am not just a hanger

I was a Stranger

In the rural area it is very easy to entertain strangers. You can easily step into a homestead and ask for a mug of water, and you will be given. However, in the urban centers, we hardly even talk to our next door neighbor leave alone a stranger. But I can’t blame the urban folk, they have reasons to be careful.

I was considering Matthew 25:43 which says; I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, as a basis for judgment when Christ will be back and I was challenged. When Jesus talks about a stranger, we more often than not think of a stranded someone in the estate who cannot find house number Y17, or an old man in town who is looking for Chester house and when we offer help, in our mind we always know we have let in a stranger. And as much as that is true I also discovered something else.

When we talk of a stranger, it is someone who does not share your value system. A stranger is someone who you would seek to disassociate because of their beliefs, their behaviors and their habits. And we have enough strangers in the world. But as believers what are we doing about them? Do we extend our love to such folk? Or we just look at them from a far and pity them? Or maybe just pray? But how will they know if we don’t talk to them? How will they know if we don’t reach out to them in love.

Jesus demonstrated the kind of open heart we should, yet we must guard not to be swallowed since bad company corrupts good morals. But we cannot keep safe by keeping away. We need to develop a capacity to interact with the strangers and influence them positively. When I look at Jesus, he was able to converse with a Samaritan woman who was a manizer, and she was never the same again. He would interact with a tax collector and influence them for the kingdom. That is the capacity I am talking about.

There are people who are lost and in going through different issues in life. We have prostitutes, thieves, homosexuals, witches, drunks and even murders, and I have met some who would love to come and join the kingdom, but they don’t know where to start. They are strangers looking to be let in, but what do we do? We judge them, we throw them out, even those who have been converted, we see them from their past, not for what they could become. And they keep feeling as strangers. And within no time, they just find they cannot fit in.

What manner of love is this, that even when we were sinners, Jesus loved us and died for us? That is the kind of love we need to have. To love the sinners and open our homes (lives) for them. And though we would wish they converted and left their ways, it may take more time than we think. So, let’s just plant the right seeds and God, who makes rain fall to both the righteous and the sinners, will water the seeds and in due time, our efforts will not be in vain.

Which stranger are you not letting in? Let us not be the lot who will be saying on judgment day, ⁴⁴ “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’   ⁴⁵ “He will reply, ‘truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’  ⁴⁶ “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.” Mat 25: 44-46  NIV

On The Knees

You have pursued her in vain

The chase now becoming a pain

You know she is into you

Yet she is acting a fool

You wish to get her on her knees

By trying all the tricks and skills

Be a man, be a lion

Get your knees on

Take it to God in prayer

And you will know who’s the player

Would You Marry Yourself?

The other day we had a heated debate on dating and aging. There was this friend of ours who have a friend almost fifty who is desperate to find a man. Apparently, every time she tells her prospects of her age, they flee without saying goodbye. What advice would you give this woman?

I have no words for her.

But I got thinking about the challenges our young people are facing as they try to get a life partner and I thought I should write about it. I am not an expert in this; I only dated one girl for twenty two months before she became my wife, who we have lived together for about 370 days. 

Here are my thoughts for those searching for a life partner. 

1.     Would you marry yourself? That is the starting point. You have to ask yourself if you can tolerate yourself. Do an honest assessment of things in you that you can’t stand. Work on those things as if you are going to marry yourself. Looking for a life partner is like getting a product on the market. Work on the content, the value preposition and the packaging. No one wants to take a bad product home.

2.    Cast your net wide. Focus determines what you miss. Don’t specialize too early. Scan through and keep an open mind. Expose yourself to as many social avenues as possible. I have heard of couples who met in a funeral, others in a bus stop while others met through a friend. There is no one way to meet you best half. You just need to keep an open mind and an open heart. But it is wrong to think every time you meet someone new, it could be them.

3.    Hunt and be hunted. Dating is sort of an art, you need skills. Men are the hunters while the lady is the prey. As a man you have to up your game to hunt. You should be courageous enough to face the lions in the jungle. You should know what you are looking for and go for it. Don’t be afraid of a challenge and don’t give up too easily. Be careful not to hunt that which will kill you. As a lady, be ready to be hunted. We know you are empowered and you can do better than some men, but be a lady. Yet don’t give in too easily. Prove your man’s worth. Let him fight for you. Let him pursue you. You too should know what you want, but don’t kill the hunter.

4.    Focus on making friends. Every strong marriage thrives on the foundation of friendship between the two lovers. I have met married people who don’t know what to do with their partners. The live together like strangers. When you meet new people, focus on being friends first before you rush into anything else. They say it’s good to marry your best friend.

5.    Involve God. No one knows what you need than God. Honestly, very few people know what they need; they just know what they want. What you need and what you want are two totally different things. Focus on character, internal uprightness and godliness. You also don’t know what a broke dude could be in ten years. Pray and partner with God to answer your prayers. And a wise man once said, God is so humorous, He is fond of packing precious jewels in the wrong packages. 

6.    Who do you walk with? One mistake most young people make is sharing the story immaturely and to the wrong people. Be accountable to a trusted leader or a true friend and walk together until everything is clear. Don’t be in the business of discussing people. If a guy is interested in you, as a lady, don’t go seeking opinions from your desperate single ladies, take one or two who you can trust and partner in prayer for God’s guidance. Prayer partnering is key and stop acting cupid.

7.    Be honest. You need wisdom on how you unfold yourself to one another. We all have dirty laundry in our closets, but you don’t go exposing the whole self on the first date. Let the dating process be developmental, where you focus on building trust, walking in honesty and strengthening your friendship bond. Kindly don’t agree to marry or get married to your partner if you know in your heart there is something you have not shared that would make them change their mind if they knew it. Be honest and trust God to fight for you if indeed that person is meant for you. But don’t deceive someone into marrying what you are not.

8.    Put your best foot forward. Be creative and make it fun to connect with the person you chose to. It’s advised you do things together like missions, voluntary work, mutual hobbies or serving in the community. Learn when to compromise and when to put your foot down to make it work. Remember to honor God with your bodies. If you hear someone asking how far is too far, ask them where they are going.

9.    Everything is beautiful in it’s time. People ask when is the right time to date or marry. There is no right time, there is just time for everything. We just need to discern our seasons and flow in them. I strongly believe that everything is beautiful in its time. Stop trying to catch up or compete with others. Live your own life.

Recommended reading Ayiro A & N Ayiro, 2009, reprint, The singles and the married.