Drifting Away

I can’t explain exactly how I got there. I was an alcoholic. I had started inventing stories of how I got there trying to justify myself. But I knew in my heart that I didn’t know for sure how I got there and worse still I didn’t know when I was getting there. It was not like I had set it as part of my destination but I happened to find myself there. That is how I remember something I learnt in my management course about a boiled frog.

The parable dictates that the frog is put over the fire as it swims in cold water and the woman in the story warms the water slowly. As the water gets warmer the frog relaxes until it’s boiled. I had laughed at the frog when I first heard this parable. I now laugh at myself too.

I have met people who are masters at leading astray the focused. I actually have been blamed to derail people. The thing is, the focused always fall in the trap. You hear a girl tell you something like she respects and honors men who give their lovers attention. And at that point she is referring to you. Then you will find this type of a girl wanting to get much of your time negating the value she so much values of having men attend to their lovers. 

At first you will like this girl because you feel she understands and she has morals. But if you are not careful you will find yourself spending more time with her and before long your lover will be a stranger. You will never hear this girl tell you that she can’t meet you up in the evening to give you time with your girl. No. She never does that. But the moment you have spend all your time with her she will be there to tell you how you should say hi to your wife denoting a spirit of care and concern.

I learnt this from my dad. At some point in his life he drifted away from his family. I could see it. But all the time they quarreled with my mum about the other woman, my dad would always tell me that he doesn’t understand my mum because the other woman really cares about us.

The secret is, those who want you really bad and they know they cannot get through to your heart because you love someone else will seek first to win your trust. How do the create trust? They start by showing true care and concern to the person who you love. If you are a married man, they will say to you things like, ‘I can never sleep with a married men’ or they to you suggest ways that will make you a better husband. The trick is they will never allow that to come true. This is because they will seek to consume your every free time leaving nothing for your lover. And hopefully they will be the one in your heart.

Note that this happens even with your friends whom you don't cheat on your lover with per se but you engage in emotional infidelity.

I however can trace my path to alcoholism. While in college I had problems getting to sleep. I could watch TCM movies on my 4 inch black and white screen till 5am in the morning. Sometime I would try reading or listening to music to induce myself to sleep. It never worked like I wanted. I envied my pal Carol who could sleep by eight o’clock.

Wise counsel (Lies) told me that one pint of beer could solve my problems. And they were right. I slept. I was the happiest man in the forest. Those days I used to live alone in some forest near the biggest slum in Kenya. I needed company maybe to induce me to sleep. I had gotten one. None of my closest friends could bring such comfort. Just that innocent remedy became a monster. Months later I had found myself out in the cold after a night out among other things.

  

Drifting takes place stealthily. It also occurs in an environment of comfort when you have a false sense of security that everything is getting on well. It occurs so fast that we hardly realize. And sometimes we even feel like it was just meant to be. We stop trying to be fight. 

But life is all about being a soldier. Being vigilant, being alert and keeping the lane. And when we detour, we must remember to get back to the track. That is what matters. I am glad am keeping on my path.