For How Long?

For how long will I look at the Mirror

And see I am still the guy I dont want to be?

Like a broken glass, pieces scattered

Can I really be fixed?

For how long will I speak these awesome words

Words that  don’t match my lifestyle?

Like an ever talking radio,

Can I really become?

For how long will I keep falling and rising,

Getting dirty while still in the shower?

It feels like a just washed silly pet

Can I really get clean, for once?

For how long shall I wander

Never getting to my destination?

Like a vagabond roaming all over

Can I really arrive?

For how long shall I remain scattered

Weak and weary and never gathering?

Like a cup of spilled milk

Can i ever be collected?

I am tired of this life

I am tired of this song

I am tired of this me

I am tired of it all

I have to become,

I have to gather

I have to be fixed

I have to get it

Once and for all

I have to confluence

All They Know is Baby Jesus

Amazing how the world celebrates baby Jesus. The songs, the decor, the displays and the stories. It is all about the baby born at the manger. The magical story. The amazing couple, The sherperds and the wo la la.

The sad thing is we don’t know how to relate with a grown up Jesus. I mean, this baby Jesus grows to be commanding. He beats the crap out of guys in the temple, He even tell His mother how she doesn’t understand. He tell of those burying the dead, that only the dead should bury the dead. He calls his best friend satan. His friend is sick and goes to visit 3 days after he is dead. And when he is there, he doesn’t appreciate Martha’s effort of getting him something to eat. He commends Mary for sitting herself at his feet. This dude teaches his pals not to wash hands before eating. He talks in parables so that people may not understand. He talks harshly to the religious lot. He actualy calls them a brood of vipers. And when a multitude is waiting for him at the shore, He runs away from them and goes somewhere else. He goes to a pool with hundreds of sick people and heals only one and walks away. The guy tells his disciples to eat his body. I mean, this guy is something else!

Yeah the world likes Baby Jesus. He is easy to handle. We can sing to him, take gifts to him and all. But Jesus the adult.... He is a King we can’t easily please unless we deny ourselves and carry our cross everyday. He is so demanding that He gives us a narrow gate to his Kingdom. He wants you to be born again when you are already an adult. He want you to do only that which you see him do and all that He asks we do. Jesus the adult, He is just something the world can’t handle. 

Hurray! It is Christmas. But which Jesus are you embracing? Is it Baby Jesus or is Jesus the King of Kings? It’s you to decide.....

The Christmas I Miss

Kenyans do not have a holiday dedicated to families. What I would call a Family Get- together Day. When I become the president's advisor, I will make sure we get this holiday. A day dedicated to families. A holiday set aside (preferably a long weekend) for us to reconnect with those we love,


The lack of a family get together day has over the year made christmas the thing we all look forward to. It's in christmas you get to meet those guys you schooled with in primary school, the boys you went dufo mpararo with and such. Christmas has always been the day uncle and aunts and the cousins come home and enjoy some nyama with the grandparents. Christmas has always been our get together holiday.


Now look at what is happening. Some of us will be working on christmas, we have to take advantage of people when they are in the mood for shopping. Some of us do not have enough money for upkeep leave alone travelling and merrying.


But lucky are those who will manage to make that trip to the countryside and refresh their souls. Those who will find time to gather around their families and reconnect. Those who will take time to share with the less fortunate. Those who will not be caught up in the jargons of christmas and capture the spirit of the season.


Ooh how I miss the Kenyan christmas..

Am I that Ugly?

When I was in primary school I would feel so harassed if we met up with a classmate on weekends especially when I am with my parents. I would not even say hi to them openly; worse still if the classmate is a girl and my dad is teasing me if that is my girl. He loved doing that J and I would dread such moments.

There was this one day when I was in class one and we had parents’ day in our school. Since there was no one at home my mum decided to bring the keys to the house to me so that during lunch time I don’t get stranded, but rather I would go home and find food and sort myself.

It’s break time and as usual I am hanging out with my usual suspects in the field playing, then I see my mum approaching us. She is smartly dressed in a blue chiffon dress that had some black dots. She was looking homely yet elegant. For reasons not known to me, instead of running towards her I started running away from her. You know the kind of run you would do if you sighted a ghost? Such kind. Now the kids are running after me shouting and my mum is behind us walking.

The genius in me told me to run to our class and sit at my desk. Furiously my mum came into the class and starting pinching me shouting… “am I that ugly that you don’t want your friends to see me… why are you running away from me like I bite? Am I that ugly?” You should have seen my classmates peeping through the window and laughing at me.

Years later as we were discussing with my mum of this incident I got to understand where she was coming from and the depth of my foolishness. No parent wants to imagine that they are not good enough for their children. They do their best to make sure those little boys and girls they are raising have the best and have their needs covered. And what do they expect in return, I guess it’s just honor.

You can’t payback for what your parents did for you. All you can do is honor them and appreciate them for their efforts. But many a times just like the foolish me back then, we humiliate them with our actions. If only I knew better then.

His Own

The other day I was in the village and someone was screaming during the day. That is the only alarm system available for the village folks. The best thing about these people is their willingness to indulge in such occasions. They all come to either help or just watch depending on the happening. The watching part is the favorite for most.

When I was growing up, I was not spared. Our homestead was a shoot location for a drama series. It’s not once or twice we had villagers coming to spectate as we washed our dirty linen outside our yard. I think I only survived the shame because most of it happened at night and also the following episodes would be shot at a neighbor before it gets back to ours. The funny part is how people behave the next day as if nothing happened. Unless your face still carries the evidence.

There is this one night my folks were fighting and my brother and I were really pissed. Occasionally, I would avoid taking sides because I had discovered I needed both my parents the same way. But this night, I needed to say something. I am actually not the one who started; I am more of a coward, my bro did.

He ferociously tried to tell off our dad, mumbling a few words as his 5 year old mind would allow. Then when he ran out of what to say, the moment fell awkwardly silent. I raised my voice, still hiding among the spectators and yelled at our dad; “hey, just allow me into the house I pick up my stuff I go. I don’t belong here”.

And in that awkwardness our dad answered back laughing, “If you want to leave, go ahead, but first come here and remove the cloths you are wearing, everything you have here is mine”. And the crowd laughed at me hilariously. I was 6 yrs old and I had never felt that helplessly cornered and owned. Clearly there was no way I could detach myself from the circus.

That statement has never left me, more so when I think about our father in heaven. He owns us and everything we have. Yet many a times we want to excuse ourselves from his affairs, especially when we feel inconvenienced and disadvantaged. And unlike our earthly dads, his ownership is bound with such a deep amazing love that we can’t comprehend. Even when things are ugly, when things are tough, when things are not making much sense, he is just but crafting something beautiful out of us.

The call of God on your life may be taxing you. Loving your neighbor may seem an impossible task. Being a peacemaker may not be a thought in your mind. And yet that is your call; to uphold the values of God and to walk in his principles. And I know how now or then we get the feeling that we should back off and give up on God, that we don’t belong.

Or maybe the show is on your yard. Neighbors spectating your struggles and enjoying the drama in your life. But it’s not for you to respond in bitterness, depression, shame or by running away. No. Just know that you belong to him. Everything you are and everything you have is his. And so you have nowhere to go. Stick through the process.

The Hiding People

One thing I miss about my childhood is the playing part. When I think about it now, I see how creative we would get and how sometimes a game would turn out to be frustrating, especially when you can’t agree on the rules or when other kids outdo your creativity.

 When we were younger we would play hide and seek with my brother and at times it would be boring when we ran out of hiding places. But I remember the first time my brother hid in the cupboard and I could not find him. How did he think of replacing the sack of flour with himself?  The competitive me was very frustrated. How can my younger brother outdo me in hiding? Then the day our friend hid by climb a tree just above where we were counting, and I could not find him yet all the other children could see him. I opted out of the game when finally I announce the imaginary cup ‘trophy’ was his. Ooh, and the days we would start a new game within a old one just to eliminate some kids we don’t like.

Now when I think about life, there seems to be a continuation of the hide and seek game. Listen to teenagers and their folks hiding from each other on Fb, or the tout and the dere checking out for the cops, or guy who is on the phone in town checking out kanju. It’s hide and seek all over. Have you noticed how Kenyans are always way ahead of themselves? Just listen to them on the phone while in the bus. Niko Valley Road and at that time you haven’t reached yaya yet on your way to town. Anyho that the hide and seek game I am talking about. Have you listen to or watched programs like busted or cheaters? It’s just a partner seeking their hiding partner… the game continues.

Then we have those who hide in God. They are known so well because of their consistency in bible study and prayer meetings. They preach, lead worship and they are baptized. And we can’t touch them because they are in God. But wait until you find them, they are just the same old sinner; having no sense of fear of God, but just using God as a cover to do all that they are doing. What happened to being real? I know we are not perfect but don’t project what you are not, just be yourself. A time comes when we run out places to hide, or we get caught, and everything comes shattering down.

There is something I love about real people; the kind who just live their life honestly, with integrity and in truth. From experience, the truth can cause trouble, cause terror, humiliate, hurts or even weigh heavy on you but the truth is, it sets free. When we learn to live an open life, with no hiding, no closet, no skeleton, then we live full lives. But the big question is, where and how do you start? It’s like asking a lady who is used to wearing make up to start living without some.

An open truthful life can be hard to start living, but once you find your rhyme and sync, then you realize it was not as hard as it seemed.

Maintaining The Evens

I know you have heard about beating all odds, but today I want to talk about maintaining all evens. I have always wondered whether for a story to be a success story there must be odds to beat. I don’t get it.

Look at most of the people we know who are successful. It’s either they were abused, molested, abandoned, rejected, rebellious, divorced among other odds. It’s like a plot to a great story needs to be complicated. And it is these complications that form the odds that need to be beaten for a happy successful ending.

What happens to those who keep it even? Why is it that if a woman is successful and yet she maintained her family all through, she won’t be a great story like one who is equally successful but who could not maintain her marriage. Or why is it a pastor’s child who turns out perfect will not find any recognition like one who turns pathetic?

We live our lives not for recognition but that we may add value to the society. And therefore, we must not be lied to that successful people have very complicated lives. That is just a lie. We are a generation that does not celebrate simplicity, ordinary and normalcy. But there is much beauty in such a life. And there are successful people who have maintained the evens. It’s just that they may not be as recognized as those who beat the odds.

As a friend of mine once tweeted; try faithfulness cheating is too easy, I too would want to challenge us try maintaining the evens beyond beating the odds.

Maintaining the evens is equally challenging as beating the odds.

Would you Apply?

The most unfortunate thing about life is that we find ourselves in it. In a place we didn't ask to be, with some aspects of our lives that we may not have the capacity to change. We just find ourselves in here.


Assume we got back in time, with what you know now, would you apply to be born given a chance? Would you choose your gender? Would you choose your father? Would you choose you mother? Would you choose the place you were born?


For a long time I used to say, if I were given a chance to apply to be born on earth, I would have requested for a pass. No second thinking. I would not have chosen to be born. Period.


The fortunate thing is, I didn't have a chance to chose. But instead God chose me. He chose my gender, he chose my father, he chose my mother and he chose the place I would be born.
And now that I know that, I am at peace with life. I don't look at any aspect of my life as an accident or as an unfortunate thing, but as a design from God. The processes I went through were not hapharzard, but a crafting of God, moulding my path into who I am. Isn't that wonderful?


And now that I am empowered to make choices of the life I want to live, I have learnt to enquire from my manuacturer, because from the look of things, He is better positioned to know what I need and where I should go and what I should do than I can ever think.


Truly you don't know yourself until God tell you who you are. And that is all you need. God.

The Broken Vessel

God is looking for a broken people to use. A broken heart and a contrite spirit He won’t despise. Unfortunately we have become broken vessels.

What’s the difference you ask?

A broken vessel is the kind that leaks, the kind that cannot contain. And so when God deposits His treasure in such a vessel, within no time everything is lost. Such kind of a vessel will only waste great resources achieving nothing for God.

We need to be vessels of honor for God. Vessels that are able to hold the treasures released from God. These treasures include His word, His values, His Grace and His blessings. But never should we get familiar with God. We ought to appreciate the fact that we are only vessels and so we must always have a broken heart.

Let us be vessels of honor with a broken heart and not a broken vessel with a golden heart.

When I Look at Them

If there is one thing I have learnt from my simple complicated life is how to look at people. There are different grids through which human being view other human beings. These include tribe, nationality, religion, skin color, body type, sexuality, social class, up bring among other. There is also a tendency to view other human beings informed by the way we perceive ourselves.

But I have learnt to see myself in other people. Regardless of whom it is, I see their struggles, their dreams and their humanness just like me. A person who has a life to live, questions to find answers to, a heart to be loved and accepted, a quest to have a good life and a hope in the future. At the point, every other aspect just wither away.

When I look at people I want feel them.

They Way I want to See Us

There is a reason why they say we should not judge a book by its cover. But I still can't help it. I judge a book by its cover and that includes the price tag. But once in a while especially if the book is not wrapped up, I peruse a few pages and check out of it's a worth read. If I am not convinced I check out online reviews just to get an opinion. Then I decide if I can afford the book. Which could either mean I start saving for it or just get cash and buy.



And I think that is the same process I use to decide who I should talk to, make friends with and keep as a friend. Not a bad strategy because we must make sure we have the right friends but again the same reason why I ignore books with dull covers always comes into play.



I have been having a desire to know how God sees people. How does He look at us?



There is no color, no skin type, no weight, no dress, no background info, no accent, no make up, no car, no house, no academic qualification, no ettiquette, no homour, no nothing that shapes the way he see us. He looks at us as His own and loves us that way.



And that is how I want to look at you, as a brother and as a sister, sharing one father and living in one amazing mansion called earth, where everything we have is our father's, we are just stewards. And that is the way I want to look at it that way. That is teh way I want to see us.

Beats

Human beings are very melodious and rhythmical.
The way the eyes blink, the way the heart beats,
The way the blood flows, the way the hands swing,
The way you breath....


So, when you find yourself out of rhythm
And you feel so out of beat,
Find something that resonate with your soul
And harmonize yourself amidst chaos.

Always keep your rhythm!

Heaven Day 1

On the waiting room, she sat and pondered, how could her husband have made it in heaven. They both had been involved in a fatal accident during the day and that was their last day on earth. And now each in a glass cubicle, they were waiting to be ushered into paradise. But her mind was bothered. She really wanted to know what had happened that gave her husband access to heaven. Having lived with him for 32 years, she doubted he would even get near anything glorious.



She was first to enter through the door that was on the far corner of the glass cubicle that lead into paradise. And Alas! She was in hell.



Not really understanding the occurences that sorrounded her, she demanded an explanation. And God being just assigned to her an angel. The angel was so heartbroken to see the agony in the woman's eyes, he broke down into tears.



''Woman, if only you loved. That was the greatest commandment. That you love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. I know while on earth you did your best, but we could not fail to notice that when you came over here and saw your husband on the other cubicle, there was no love in your heart. The transactions that went in your heart were the transactions of judgement, the transactions of giving up on people and transactions of deciding people's fate in your heart and these have denied you access to heaven. For in heaven only love abides.
_____



God is love and those who know God live in love.



Love your God with all your heart, your mind and your strength, and love your neighbor as you love yourself. This is the greatest commandment



People may not deserve it, but just love. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us and loved us. That is the love we are called to. That while our neighbor is unlovable and undeserving, that we shall love them and wish for them what we wish for ourselves.

A Den of Robbers

Before I share my thoughts let us consider some scriptures in John 2:13-17.

¹³ When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. ¹⁴ In the temple courts he found people selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. ¹⁵ So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. ¹⁶ To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!” ¹⁷ His disciples remembered that it is written: “Zeal for your house will consume me.’’ NIV

We all know that our hearts are the temple of God. We also know our life processes are transacted in our hearts. So the question is, what transactions is your heart conducting? Referring to the above scripture, I have come to realize that for a long time, I had made my heart a market place. A place where I tell God to do this so that I can do that for Him. Where the transactions of my heart are about merchandizing, losing this to gain that for my own sake. And that is what Christ refers to as a den of robbers.

Is your heart a den of robbers? Examine your heart and check out what kind of trade has been going through in your heart.

In this season of TFM we are going through different maturity transactions. These transactions have come to reconfigure our hearts. We are learning that the cross is a transaction point, where new agreements, covenants and contracts for the conduct of life in the earth. God is whipping out the trade in our hearts and replacing it with a zeal for His house. A zeal for Him. That we may be found in Him, that we may become for Him.

So, I would urge you to keep tracking, keep enquiring, don’t get familiar and don’t lose the sight of the bigger picture.

More Questions

In life, it is okay to have more questions than answers. But it's until you learn to ask the right questions, that you are good to go.


For example instead of asking why me? ask what's next?


When you feel stuck and not sure of what to do, don't close yourself down, rather discern the right questions to ask. Ask questions for clarification and not because of doubt.


Living life with a spirit of enquiry brings more clarity and helps maintain life's freshness. Approach life as a student and be open to new challenges. And as you keep asking the right questions, you will find your path and your place in life.


Keep asking

Growth that Drifts

I have observed how easily a couple can drift. Actually it is not a drift per se, but the kind of growth that occurs in the due course of life that drifts the couple. It is very easy to become strangers with your spouse or just project cordinators, having the family as the project. So that the engagement between you and your spouse is that of arranging and managing activities. And as much as we have roles and activities in our marriages, we must be careful that we don't reduce the meaning of our union to that.


Many couples start life at the same level, spiritually, financially, socially and in most times economically. And at times, being on the same level makes it easy for the couple to engage together in all spheres of life. But as life progress, I have observed that some couples do not grow together. It is very important for the couple to grow together.


Husbands have a tendency of growing and leaving their wives behind. So bad such that it becomes hard to engage with your wife intellectually and socially. I have seen husbands who cannot bring their wives to the company party because they feel she will be a let down. Or a pastor who cannot have his wife share even a verse, because he is afraid the wife can't match up the expectations. I have also seen wives who settle down and refuse to grow. The start putting less focus on how they look, they feel it's a waste of time learning a new skill or developing a talent and thus they depreciate.


Couples are supposed to be friends for life. They should therefore learn to cultivate their friendship with their spouses, upgrading one another so that at anytime they can be able to walk together and engage with one another in all spheres of life. Let it be said of you that you are one, in mind, in love and in life.


Let us all grow together.

If I Die Young

Things happen and people die. People die and we are left saying they died before their time. I believe people die in their time and not on our time. And it is never our time because we take people for granted. And when their time is over, we are left agonizing and wishing we had just another minute with them.


This life is not mine but just a whisper from God. And so everyday I share my thoughts through my writings, I cherish my friends, I love my wife and I focus on honoring God because I only have today. I do my best and enjoy my life because today is my present. I live in gratitude for I know I am on time and if times runs out, I have an eternal hope in Christ.


And if I die young, I wonder what would be of my thoughts, what would it be of the idea of me. Maybe I would be worth so much more after I'm dead. And maybe people would hear the words I have been saying. People would start knowing me. People would start reading my work. People  would love me more than they did when I was alive. And people would create a page on facebook in my honor, and they would say all the nice things about me. And then life would go on.


But I want you to listen now, I want you to know me now, for if I die young, it will be on time.

When Mercy Offends

Simon was my high school classmate and a weed supplier in school. He was a day scholar and when we were in form 2 our CRE teacher discovered that Simon didn't know the Lord's prayer. So the teacher charged me with the task to teach him the prayer. So we became friends. Not a friend as in a friend but we would talk and we didn't have those walls people put between the savedees and the school crooks. I also liked Simon because he used to lend me his text books which he didn't have time to read. He scored a D- in KCSE.


I am walking in town, I have an important meeting and am running late. Guess who I meet? Simon. He is so delighted to meet me, it's been like 7 years since we left high school. He started narrating to me how he appreciates how I showed him the love of God fr being his friend and when I would preach to him. And he told me that my efforts were not in vain because he got saved like a month prior. I didn't believe him.


He proceeded to give a testimony and yenyewe he was so happy. Yet I still didn't believe. And since I was in a hurry to a meeting I had to excuse myself. I pretended to be happy, I hugged him and I wanted to leave. In my heart I didn't see how Simon could be saved. I knew him too well. I knew he was good with his mouth and he always had very interesting stories. I felt maybe he was trying to impress me so that he can borrow me some cash. He looked like he needed some. And so before he could ask I voluntarily gave him a 200 note. We exchanged numbers and I left.


Throughout the day I kept replaying the brief encounter with Simon. I knew he was just trying to milk me some cash and he must have been happy that I produced something. And that was my version of the story. The was no way Simon could have received Christ as his Savior.


I am in shags. It's Christmas and as usual everyone has come home. We are hanging out at the local trading center. I meet a few of my former classmates and we are happy as usual to see each other. Then I meet Richard. Richard was also my classmate, who was neighbors to Simon. And on asking him how Simon was, He told me that Simon actually got saved and he now serves as a missionary. He is so changed and doing so well with his life that Richard was getting inspired to get saved.


I was so ashamed. I realized if I was god for a day how some people would suffer. I realized I don't know mercy or love. I realized am such a hypocrite. The guy who stays at the gate. He is not getting in and not allowing others to come in. If Simon had expected me to lead him to the Lord, most likely he would have waited all his life...


And now I know that mercy offends. When you think you know God, He surprises you like that. When you are there feeling sorry that your village thief has just been caught, crucified and now headed to hell, he is actually on his way to paradise. On his cross he met the savior. Just when you think that girl is a gone case, God's love meets her and makes her new.


How i pray that I will have a heart like our Lord's, the love like that of our God and a compassionate spirit that sees a saint in every sinner. God help me :-).

What Faith Is This?

Today I was in town for some errands. I passed through Malindi Dishes and found they have closed for the month of Ramadhan. For a whole month, this popular food joint will be closed for prayers. Mind you these guys will be paying rent, pay their workers and the utilities for the month though no sales will be made since the joint will be closed.

You may sit there and despise such an act. You may even say it is a religious act but let me ask you, what faith is this?

I struggle leaving my business for a day or two to attend a Congress Seminar. I miss trainings and necessary meetings because of work. I have always believed that God will understand. After all He is the one who has placed me here. What a blindness!

If the righteous will be justified by faith, what more can I say? Is the faith of this muslim guy not going to justify him? He know his god will provide and sustain his business and his livelihood even on closing shop for a whole month. In this economic crisis, he considers money that would be made RUBBISH to pursue some prayers. What faith is this?

I am so challenged as a believer.... coz God is demanding much greater faith from me... Faith beyond this demonstrated by a muslim.

Why Is It This Hard?

You know the story of the young rich man who came to Jesus seeking to know how to get into the Kingdom? This guy was doing everything we consider godly yet he had not secured a place in the Kingdom of God. And when he asked Jesus what he needs to do to get in he was told to go sell everything, give it out to the poor and come follow Jesus. He went home very sad.

Why is it this hard to follow Jesus? to get into the kingdom of God? SELF.

Human beings have this force within us that seeks to preserve ourselves. We seek comfort, security and freedom. That is why we would want to be sure we are safe for tomorrow, we would love to take care of ourselves and we would want to do what we feel like and be good with it. Most a time these things are tied around SELF.

On the other hand, God is looking for people who can trust Him and have faith in Him to provide comfort, security and freedom. But His way of providing this requires death to self. Death to self means we lose our own ability to provide for ourselves comfort, security and freedom and give that ability to a being we have not seen but whom we connect through faith. TOUGH.

Look at Paul, he says he considers everything rubbish having known Christ. He was a learned man, a great achiever and a track history of greatness. Yet he says that is all rubbish because he has known Christ. I would wish to occupy that position but you have to agree with me it is not easy. 

Back to the rich young man, why do you think he went home sad? He was not ready to lose his comfort, his security and his freedom. And although he did all the religious acts thoroughly and consistently, he did not come to a place of accessing the Kingdom of God because he sought to preserve self. When we look at Zacchaeus, he let go of everything and accessed the Kingdom.  This rich young man didn't have the correct sight of Christ. I mean, it was possible even after selling and giving away everything, to actually have it all restored and given more. But self blinded him.

I am convinced that the way to access Christ and His kingdom is to surrender everything to Him and to be safe in His words and His demands. And once we occupy this position we are able to achieve comfort, security and freedom. Having no trace of self in us.

I Once Wanted

I wanted to be known, to be famous
To be adored, a demi god.
I wanted to be popular, admired
To have it all, to have it big

I wanted to matter
To be the in thing
The big thing on airwaves
The sensation on social media
The most sought after talent
I wanted to turn heads as I walk on the streets
To know that I got it all.

I wanted to speak and be listened to
To ever be right and perfect
To be it

Then I heard them speak
That it is not about me but God
And it pierced my heart deep
Why is He that selfish?
All glory to him?
I wanted some

And so I stopped
I stopped dreaming
I stopped trying to be
I was ok with being nothing
I was ok not mattering
I hid and remained ordinary

But now I know better
I know where to hide, where to be found
I know why He is selfish, I can see what he means
And I want to be part of that meaning

I will do may best and be the best
I will be his slave, his servant, his delight
I will position self to reflect his light as much
I will be aggressive to get hold of his call
I will move forward and desire greater spheres
I will seek his kingdom and its righteousness


And I will do this for him
Knowing they might reject me
Knowing I may not be sought after
Rather be despised
Knowing I may not be the in thing
I may never be a big sensation
But I will still do it

And in case all I ever wanted came true
It will not for me be
But for him who got hold of me
For I once wanted, but now I know.

How Does God Think?

There is this verse that says that God’s thoughts are so far from our thoughts and God ways are way beyond our way. This has made me wonder how then does God think. I have desired to know exactly how God think so that it can be easy for me to please him and do his will. And if our thinking is far from God’s thinking I am hesitant to base my life on man’s thoughts.

Here are my thoughts on how God thinks, and they being my thoughts…. I can’t promise much.

1.    I think God is selfish and his selfishness is for our own good. He says he is jealous when we don’t worship him and when he gets angry we suffer. He went through much hustle to deliver the children of Israel out of Eqypt so that they can worship him. When they missed this, they were destroyed in the wilderness. In our human thinking, selfishness is a vice and that is true because unlike God who everything is about him, our lives are not about us but about God. And that is why God says unless someone loses their lives they cannot find it. That is the paradox. Our selfishness is destruction to us while God’s selfishness is our salvation. And once we align our lives to becoming slaves of God, we are elevated into son-ship where we co heir the Kingdom of God with Christ.

2.    All things work out to serve God’s purposes. As humans we have learnt to classify things as bad, as good, as right and as wrong. Let us go back to Eqypt, when God killed the firstborns so that Pharaoh can let go of the Israelites was that good or bad? Was it right or wrong? How I see it, God is after fulfilling his purposes, and in his sovereignty he can do anything for that. While as humans we shall be trying to reason in our classifications of thing, we end up missing it all. The secret therefore is to capture the purposes of God and make them our own. That is the safety we have. And no wonder the verse that says that ALL THINGS work out for good to all those who love God and all called in his purposes. Once we are in God’s purposes ALL THINGS serve us for good.

3.    The nature, the power and the word of God. You have people say that God is good, all the time and all the time God is good and that is his nature. That statement is true. The nature of God is a nature of goodness considering both the first point where he can do anything to bring us to a place of knowing him and worship him. His nature to forgive and forget, to offer grace and mercy and to provide the holy spirit as a helper and comforter so that we can indeed get to walk in his purposes. The power of God is evident in creation and in his intent. Knowing that God is able to do what he promises to do. And his word which is true and transformative to make us acquire the right attitude and perspective which inform our lifestyle. God does not lie. As human we are full of fear, doubt and blindness in connecting with God, and that is why we need faith. We cannot please God without faith. Faith needs to be exercised so that it grows. We are justified by our faith as the word says. God intent is that we may have an abundant life that is full of goodness as we experience his power. And so our thinking must be transformed so that we can embrace obedience towards the purposes of God and therefore enter into these things.

4.    Eternity: As humans we are always in fear when we think about the afterlife. Our thinking wants us to have our life and then a spiritual life. That is not how God thinks. God’s intention is to dwell among us. That where I am, you too may be found. The coming of Christ was so that we can find our way back to God. The idea is not that we may just live on earth then go to heaven and live with God, No. The idea is that we can start living with God while on earth as we build a dwelling place for him so that where we are, God is. This means we cannot have separate, segregated lives but must build one life that fulfils God purposes without the classifications earlier discussed. And so we must build a balance life so that we can grow into maturity where we have the fullness of Christ’s nature in us as a body. And so when time ends and we enter into eternity, it won’t be an awkward moment being where God is because we have been walking with him and have acquired his nature and his fullness.

These are just some of the thoughts I am able to gather now,  I am on a quest to understand how God thinks so that I can try minimize the gap between his thoughts and mine and those called with me.

Scarcity Mentality

If there is something that irritates me is when am in a jav and it runs out of fuel especially when they have overcharged the passengers. I just don’t get it. You can’t say you don’t have money because the tout has a batch in his hand and even if you can blame a broken fuel gauge, you should be able to gauge how far your fuel can stretch if you are a good driver.

I have met so many people who are affected by a scarcity mentality. This is the mentality that makes you think that you can never have enough. And such people tend to be mean, they hoard resources and they don’t enjoy spending even when it is necessary. Such people tend to think about everything in terms of cost. What a sad way to live.

There is a game I conduct in my team building sessions that brings out a scarcity mentality in us. Where we believe if you get it, it means I don’t get it. That is why we have a lot of office politics, back stabbing, lack of team work and collaboration and worse still unhealthy competition. This culture has scarcity mentality as the backbone.

Things can be tight, but our attitude towards resources determine how we manage the little we have, attract much more and enjoy life.

I believe naturally there is a scramble for resources and our capitalistic society teaches us that the more we amass for ourselves the safer we are. But having understood God and his ways of operation, I have come to believe that there are resources for everyone of us so longer as we are focusing on our purposes in God.

When we speak of living in faith and not sight, it does mean we don’t work hard or we stop being aggressive, but rather it is the frame of mind that tell us, God has all I need for my life and those He has brought under my care. I just need to do my best, be a faithful steward and allow God to do the rest. And most of all, being ready to trust God when in the natural, it seems as if I am disadvantaged.

Remember these verses: God loves a cheerful giver. (Not what or how much you give but how you give). Generosity is a mentality. It is more blessed to give than to receive. (To get more, give). Generosity is not because you have enough but because you know He that blesses.

Have an abundant mentality!

Drifting Away

I can’t explain exactly how I got there. I was an alcoholic. I had started inventing stories of how I got there trying to justify myself. But I knew in my heart that I didn’t know for sure how I got there and worse still I didn’t know when I was getting there. It was not like I had set it as part of my destination but I happened to find myself there. That is how I remember something I learnt in my management course about a boiled frog.

The parable dictates that the frog is put over the fire as it swims in cold water and the woman in the story warms the water slowly. As the water gets warmer the frog relaxes until it’s boiled. I had laughed at the frog when I first heard this parable. I now laugh at myself too.

I have met people who are masters at leading astray the focused. I actually have been blamed to derail people. The thing is, the focused always fall in the trap. You hear a girl tell you something like she respects and honors men who give their lovers attention. And at that point she is referring to you. Then you will find this type of a girl wanting to get much of your time negating the value she so much values of having men attend to their lovers. 

At first you will like this girl because you feel she understands and she has morals. But if you are not careful you will find yourself spending more time with her and before long your lover will be a stranger. You will never hear this girl tell you that she can’t meet you up in the evening to give you time with your girl. No. She never does that. But the moment you have spend all your time with her she will be there to tell you how you should say hi to your wife denoting a spirit of care and concern.

I learnt this from my dad. At some point in his life he drifted away from his family. I could see it. But all the time they quarreled with my mum about the other woman, my dad would always tell me that he doesn’t understand my mum because the other woman really cares about us.

The secret is, those who want you really bad and they know they cannot get through to your heart because you love someone else will seek first to win your trust. How do the create trust? They start by showing true care and concern to the person who you love. If you are a married man, they will say to you things like, ‘I can never sleep with a married men’ or they to you suggest ways that will make you a better husband. The trick is they will never allow that to come true. This is because they will seek to consume your every free time leaving nothing for your lover. And hopefully they will be the one in your heart.

Note that this happens even with your friends whom you don't cheat on your lover with per se but you engage in emotional infidelity.

I however can trace my path to alcoholism. While in college I had problems getting to sleep. I could watch TCM movies on my 4 inch black and white screen till 5am in the morning. Sometime I would try reading or listening to music to induce myself to sleep. It never worked like I wanted. I envied my pal Carol who could sleep by eight o’clock.

Wise counsel (Lies) told me that one pint of beer could solve my problems. And they were right. I slept. I was the happiest man in the forest. Those days I used to live alone in some forest near the biggest slum in Kenya. I needed company maybe to induce me to sleep. I had gotten one. None of my closest friends could bring such comfort. Just that innocent remedy became a monster. Months later I had found myself out in the cold after a night out among other things.

  

Drifting takes place stealthily. It also occurs in an environment of comfort when you have a false sense of security that everything is getting on well. It occurs so fast that we hardly realize. And sometimes we even feel like it was just meant to be. We stop trying to be fight. 

But life is all about being a soldier. Being vigilant, being alert and keeping the lane. And when we detour, we must remember to get back to the track. That is what matters. I am glad am keeping on my path.

Simplify your life

It is very unfortunate that as human beings we have made life very complicated. Just check how many of your friends on facebook have their status as it's complicated and you will understand what I mean. The issue is not even relationships but generally life has become complicated.

I was sharing with a friend who was looking for closure on the issue of his dad. His dad left them when they were young and he has never forgiven him or even understood why God allowed that. And he has been carrying very heavy burdens, hurts and pains of the past. He has lived his life from the past. Looking at himself as a victim of circumstances and as a reject of life. The worst past was that he actually hated the other children who his father got from a relationship with another woman because he believes they stole from him what was rightful his.

I must say, such situations are tough and painful. When you ask yourself what it could have been had your dad been there for you. Painting all the pictures in the mind of what you missed and how you could have been a better person had your dad been there. And such mental pictures on add agony to life making the burden of the past just more unbearable.

Luckily for me when we were having our meeting, another friend of mine came and joined in the fellowship. And as we were sharing he happened to be a child of another woman. (I hope you get the picture). This guy was raised by a man who neglected his rural family and got a new wife in the city and got children and life continued. I thank God because he is a God of purpose.

And as we were fellowship, now having a deeper sight into life, we realized that there are so many things in life that we have no control of.  There are things that were done to you, that hurt you and brought much pain, but that is past and you know it was beyond you then. But now that you are here what are you doing about it?

It is so easy to carry heavy loads with us all our lives, blaming circumstances, blaming people and wishing it was better. But wisdom dictates we lay our past down and decided to live our lives all a new; to start all over again, to be grateful that we are here and that we have the power to change our future. To focus on what we can do now with what we have than to keep complaining of things we didn’t have.

Jesus says that his yoke is easy and his burden is light, that He came to give us a new life, an abundant life. And as we focus on the plans He has for us it will be easy to let go of our burdens, of our hurts and of our pains and to allow Him to breath in us a new life and a new ability to forget the past and focus on the future.

And that is how to simplify your life. To understand that today is the first day of your life, that today you can start all over again, that today you can write a different story out of your life. It is not easy but it is possible to live a simple life.

Let go of the past and its burdens and press on to your place of glory in God.

Walking on High Hills

Life is not always smooth. Sometimes we have to go through tough situations and moments where we have no clue what to do. In such instances, we have to develop a new capacity so that we can navigate through. Sometimes such capacity comes after we have made a mistake and burnt our fingers. And that should not discourage us. Just becasuse we have burnt our fingers or made mistakes should not kill the enthusiasm towards life.

They say it is how you respond to life that determine what happens to you. And I agree. Whether you are wallowing in success or stuck in a quagmire, how you respond to where you are determines how far you go. Always remember the past has past and we have the present to prepare for the future.

The best attitude is the attitude of I can do it. It is the joy of walking in high hills and climbing great mountains. Wherever you are keep moving forward.

What is God?

If God is love, and according to 1 Cor 13 we have a description of love, then it would be accurate to say that:

God is patient

God is kind

God does not envy

God is not proud

God is not rude

God is not self seeking

God is not easily angered

God does not keep records of wrongs

God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth

God always protects

God always trusts

God always hopes

God always preserves

God never fails.

And if we are being transformed to be like God, then we can replace the above traits with our names and see where we need to work on.

Be love.

I don't Know

Living in the information age makes everyone assume that just because you can find information so easily so you know it. Especially on how to live life and to do it well for the after life. One thing I am learning with life is that I actually know nothing. And that is why I have accepted the student role in life.

If you show life that you know it, you will soon discover that you have no idea. But when you choose to let life teach you, then you find that life is much better. Every situation, every person and every circumstance becomes a learning process for you and then life becomes a learning experience.

And even our faith, we cannot assume that we know, that we have read the bible a hundred times. That is deception. As the bible says man lives by the proceeding word from the mouth of God, we must then keep listen afresh each day that we may hear the word for the season. Most people are missing the ways and the moves of God because they already think they know.

Teach me oh Lord thy ways, hold my hand and help me walk with you.... i don't know... I have not been this way before.